


Like a Real Captain

by kira_katrine



Category: Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Captain Tilly, Ensign Janeway, Friendship, Gen, mentoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21707896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_katrine/pseuds/kira_katrine
Summary: Ensign Kathryn Janeway's first assignment after joining the command training program is on a science vessel commanded by Captain Sylvia Tilly. Tilly, Kathryn finds, isn't quite like other captains she's known.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33
Collections: Star Trek Holidays 2019





	Like a Real Captain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raktajinos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raktajinos/gifts).



“Captain, the Xaheans are hailing us.”

“Put them onscreen,” said Captain Tilly. A woman with long dark hair and a gold nose ring appeared on the viewscreen. Kathryn knew this had to be Me Hani Ka Malu Ro La, the queen of Xahea.

“Greetings, Your Serene Highness,” the captain said.

“Hello yourself, Captain Tilly,” said the queen, breaking into a grin. “I assume you got my most recent subspace message?”

“Of course I did! We’re here with whatever you guys need, La. And those paintings of yours look gorgeous! I didn’t think you could get any better at that but you do, holy heck. I wish I could see them in person.”

“You can,” said Her Highness La. “I’d love to have you over to the palace again. I’m sure everyone would love another visit from you--El couldn’t stop talking about that engineering trick you showed him last time. He’s gotten so much taller, you wouldn’t believe it, Tilly.”

“I mean, I think I would. I have seen his older brother,” said Tilly. “And that would be wonderful. After our meeting on the ship, of course, to take care of the official business. My first officer and I will be in the transporter room to meet you.”

“Of course,” said the queen. “I’m looking forward to it. Official meetings certainly are much less boring when they’re with you.”

The connection closed; the image of the queen of Xahea disappeared from the viewscreen. “You two clearly have a history,” said Commander Jones, raising an eyebrow at Tilly.

“I used to be pen pals with her grandma,” Tilly said. “Still am, occasionally. But I think La likes me because I know she doesn’t want to hear too much about that. She wants to be her own person, you know? And she’s doing a really fr--a really good job of it.” She got up from the center chair. “Lieutenant Roos, you have the bridge. Commander, let’s go meet the queen.”

Kathryn had been thrilled when she’d found out she’d been accepted to the command training program, and even more so when she was assigned to the USS Rubin.

It was a science vessel, which fit in well with Kathryn’s background. Its crew had made some truly fascinating discoveries in recent years. And then, there was its captain, Sylvia Tilly. She was not only known as an extremely well-regarded captain, but many young officers spoke of her as a wonderful teacher--tough when she needed to be, but understanding, warm-hearted, and even able to have fun sometimes.

Kathryn had been nervous, too. Captain Tilly, Kathryn knew, had been the youngest person ever accepted to the command training program back when she’d first joined. Meanwhile, Kathryn herself had only decided to join the command track after four years at the academy majoring in quantum cosmology and one on a starship as a science officer, and it had been another two years from then when she actually gained admission to the program, during which her life had been turned upside down in ways she’d never imagined. Of course, she wasn’t actually anywhere near _old_ by any reasonable person’s standards, but she still felt a bit like she was falling behind.

So far, everything Kathryn had heard about Captain Tilly seemed to be true. She was brilliant--she knew all about not just tactics and diplomacy and commanding a starship but science and engineering too, and could throw herself into it right alongside her officers if need be--but she often didn’t need to; she seemed to trust them to figure most of those things out for themselves. She was incredibly kind--Kathryn had no idea how Captain Tilly found the time to listen to her officers’ problems and give them personal advice on top of all her other duties, but apparently she did.

She also seemed to know people wherever they went in the galaxy. Her Serene Highness La was far from the first alien head of state (or diplomat or member of a royal family or high-ranking scientist or…) who had turned out to be an old friend, or to know an old friend, of Captain Tilly’s. She remembered the time she’d overheard Tilly chatting with some sort of purple space cloud that had enveloped the ship, explaining to it what hot chocolate was.

Sometimes, people stopped by the ship to see Captain Tilly who Kathryn remembered reading about at the Academy, or hearing about in the news--Paul Stamets, whose publications on the temporal experience of mycelium were well-known to science-track cadets; Keyla Detmer, known as one of the best pilots in the fleet; Michael Burnham, who… was Michael Burnham. The woman who’d saved the Federation more than once, who’d been awarded the Starfleet Medal of Honor for her actions in helping the Federation win the Klingon War without spilling any more blood, who’d done so much more that no one had any idea about until relatively recently. Kathryn remembered being a child when everything (or at least everything that most people were allowed to know; there was clearly more that would likely never be revealed to her) about Burnham and the Discovery crew had come to light, the pictures of the strange-looking ship they’d suddenly appeared in and the rumors that it had contained technology unlike anything known to the Federation before. The first time Captain Burnham had come to the Rubin, Kathryn had wanted to meet her, but she held herself back, not wanting to bother her or to interrupt her and Tilly as they talked about the planet Burnham’s ship had just come from and the anomaly the Rubin was investigating and everything the rest of the former Discovery crew were up to these days.

In Kathryn’s second year at Starfleet Academy, Tilly had come to give a talk to students who were considering the command track. At the time, Kathryn hadn’t really been, but some of her friends were, and she’d gone along. She thought she should learn as much as possible about _everything_ that went into a successful space mission.

Even in that setting, Tilly seemed different than a lot of the other speakers who came to Starfleet Academy. She seemed so genuine, so open and friendly and like she really cared about being there to talk to students, not like this was just another box to check on the list of Things Starfleet Captains Do. Kathryn walked out of that talk still planning on sticking with the science track… but for the first time, she thought, maybe she could command a starship. She’d imagined it before--who didn’t, at least once, as a kid?--but not now that being in Starfleet was actually something real to her, and not some far-off future plan. She stuck with the science track another four years, but that was her first step towards the path she was on now.

And she still wasn’t always sure she’d made the right decision.

* * *

Nothing was coming out right.

Kathryn deleted the paragraph for the...seventh time? Eighth? She’d lost count. _What am I doing?_ How was she supposed to find the right words? And without letting on about any of the things she’d been feeling recently? _Everything has to be exactly right, exactly the way a top command candidate would do it--the way a real captain would do it--but it’s already too late for that, isn’t it?_ After what had happened the week before, it certainly felt like it was.

She took another gulp of coffee from the mug next to her. It seemed like this was going to be a long night.

“Planning on being up late, I see.”

It was Captain Tilly. “Captain!” Kathryn said, sitting up straighter as she looked up from her PADD.

“At ease, ensign,” Tilly said. “I’m right, though, aren’t I? No one drinks that much coffee who’s planning on going to sleep anytime soon. I should know.”

Kathryn smiled slightly. “That’s the command training program, all right.”

“I feel like I’ve seen you by yourself a lot this week,” Tilly said. “I used to see you hanging out with people all the time… Everything all right?”

“Everything’s fine,” Kathryn said. Surely Captain Tilly didn’t actually want to hear about the fears and insecurities of some random ensign. “Just a lot of work to do.”

“You’re sure?” said Tilly.

Images flashed through Kathryn’s head from a week before--a timer counting down, everyone scrambling to shut down the rogue computer system. Not realizing exactly what kind of system it was. Telling Robbins what she thought he should do to stop it--and watching it zap him halfway across the room _._ _At least he ended up okay. I of all people should know how much worse things could have gotten_. “Yes. Definitely, sir.”

“I heard about what happened on the away mission.”

Of course, Kathryn had known on some level that the captain must know, that she would have received their reports as she did for everything that happened with the crew of her ship. But it still made Kathryn wince to actually hear her say it.

“And I’m not saying that to judge you,” Captain Tilly said. “I’ve been where you are now, and I know command training is… a lot to take in. Nobody gets through it without a few mistakes. But I know you’re really smart, you work really hard, and you care so much. I believe in you, ensign. You’ll be a great captain someday, if you keep it up.”

“I might not be good enough,” Kathryn found herself saying. _What am I doing?_ This was exactly the opposite of what she should be saying to the captain, the woman whose job it literally was to judge her for the duration of her assignment on the Rubin. There just seemed to be something about Tilly that made Kathryn want to tell her the truth about what was going on. “Not on my own. But I have to be. If I want to be a captain I have to be. Other people won’t always be around to prevent things from going wrong.”

“Yes, they will,” said Tilly, sitting down at the table across from Kathryn. “They literally will. That’s why we send crews out on missions, not just super-perfect super-captains who can do everything all at once. And there’ll be other times when you’re the other people, and you do something that other people couldn’t. If anything, the best thing to do is get as many other people around you as possible, and let all of you use your skills in ways that complement each other. People generally like that. And yeah, you have to have skills of your own too, but you must know that’s not in question here. I mean, come on.”

“Sometimes, it seems like you’re friends with everyone, Captain,” Kathryn said. “How did you even have _time_?”

“I was a lonely kid,” Tilly said. “By the time I joined Starfleet, I’d had enough of that.”

Kathryn almost found that hard to believe. Not that she thought the captain was lying, of course--but it was strange to think that Captain Tilly had ever had trouble making friends, that anyone wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with her.

Tilly went on. “I’m sure you know the story of the Discovery.” Of course Kathryn did--well, as much of it as anybody really knew, anyway. A lot of it was still classified, even years later. “And you know I was part of that crew.” Kathryn nodded. “We were out there for years with only each other to rely on. We came to mean more to each other than any of us could have imagined. And we learned not to take each other for granted. None of us could have done it without the others. Not even me. Definitely not me.”

“But you weren’t a captain then,” Kathryn said.

“Even our captain had friends,” said Tilly. “The point is, a lot can happen out here. Even if you have a relatively normal Starfleet career, whatever that even means, there’ll be things you won’t want to go through alone. And I want to make sure you know that you don’t have to. Even when you’re a captain.”

 _But that’s what I do,_ Kathryn thought… but it wasn’t quite true, was it? If it hadn’t been for Phoebe, and later Mark, she might never have returned to Starfleet. _I might have just let myself waste away entirely. But that’s the entire point. I have to do these things myself. I shouldn’t have needed to wait for them. A real Starfleet captain wouldn’t. There’s no way Tilly or Burnham or any of them ever--_

But Kathryn knew what the proper response was. “Thank you, Captain,” she said.

Captain Tilly smiled. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your work. Wouldn’t want to contribute to you staying up even later.” She got up from the table. “Good night, ensign.”

“Good night, Captain.” 

Kathryn looked back at her PADD. She thought about Captain Tilly, and the way Tilly seemed to relate to everything and everyone around her. Had Tilly ever worried about not seeming like a _real_ starship captain? _Well, if she did, it doesn't seem like it mattered in the end. She figured out everything she needed to, and so can I._

 _If I want to prove I'm good enough on my own,_ she thought, _it doesn't make sense to worry so much about what other people would do, does it?_ All she could do was learn from what had happened, and write her assignment the way _she_ would. That would have to be good enough for this time around.

And she'd meet up with the others for lunch the next day. 


End file.
